On self-knowledge, human design, and why the right routine is actually yours
The Client Who Caught Me Out
I had the most fascinating interaction with a dear client a couple of days ago. She asked me how my facial exercise and facial massage routine were going, as my skin looked amazing. It was an astounding moment where I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, because while I am more than happy to admit that my skin looks good, I am not happy to admit to doing a facial exercise and facial massage routine, which I never do. She took one look at my face and burst out laughing. I did say, dear client. She went on to remind me that, during lockdown, I had publicly committed on social media platforms to do a daily routine and to watch this space. What can I say? It lasted about a day. While I do the occasional movement when my jaw is tight or a careful massage when my frown lines are looking like railway tracks, that's it, so what happened to my big commitment?
I Went Back and Read My Own Blog
If you missed where this conversation started, begin here.
This got me thinking about all the different things we see, hear, read, and find ourselves committing to, only to drop the next day. There is no doubt about it, we are over-stimulated and way too over-committed. I went back to my previous blog to look at all the things I had recommended for a holistic beauty approach and a minimalist skincare routine, and to really check in with myself, what I do and what I don't do. I am definitely sleep-obsessed and can't tell you the joy a good night's sleep gives me. I am also a health nut, trying to be calm and not overzealous. I definitely don't drink enough water, and I am about to embark on a 10-week somatic process to de-stress. Please don't ask me if I've stuck to it. Let's just say it is my intention for now.
What I Actually Don't Do
What I definitely don't do is smoke, (been there done that am one of those hideous ex-smokers if you smoke in a ten feet radius I have to control myself from acting like a loon), I don't drink alcohol it messes with my sleep and nothing is worth that, I don't drink coffee it makes me unpleasant and my husband bribed me to stop, I keep my phone on way too late which is the one habit that undermines every other part of my natural skincare routine, and I definitely don't change my pillow case often enough. But I do always have AYA Balm on hand as my one genuinely good product that works across every need. If you read the last blog, you'd get the reference.
The Pillowcase Problem
At the end of the last blog, I finished off with movement and small things. One of the small things was a clean pillow case, and here again, it is a case for me of all the good intentions in the world. Beauty influencers and dermatologists heavily emphasise that a clean pillowcase is one of the most overlooked, yet critical, components of a natural skincare routine and advise changing every two to three days. Does that make me a complete hypocrite if I don't come anywhere close to this? I might agree with the science, but the effort just isn't there for me. Which is exactly why I've come to believe that a minimalist skincare routine is not a compromise - it's the more honest answer.
How Did We Get Here
A million wellness accounts will tell you all the things we should do, we hear it all the time from all different platforms, so why don't we just do it all or better yet, why do we even start doing things that don't work for us? This is something I ask myself all the time. The reality is that, in my case, it's a mixture of FOMO and, at different times, not feeling good enough about myself to know what I really want and what really makes me happy.
Here is my case in point, when I was breastfeeding, I had a lot of gum and teeth challenges, the dentist wanted to pull down my gum and scrape something or do something, and I was out of that chair faster than a jack rabbit. I went home in a complete state of hysteria, rambling on to whoever would listen. A friend advised oil pulling, which I had never heard of before, but if it kept me out of the dentist's chair, I was game. That was nearly 13 years ago. Every morning I wake up, I have not missed a day, and I use sesame oil to pull for 15 minutes. I know initially this was all about fear, but at a certain point, I started to enjoy it, and I enjoyed how it made my teeth feel, and the whole daily experience makes me happy.
What Now
For me, there are two things I want to look at. Firstly, why don't these good-intentioned skincare and wellness habits stick, and secondly, where do we go from here once we come to the truth of it all?
I think a lot about why these one million and one good habits don't stick, and of course, it is in the one million and one number itself. We are completely inundated with things and stuff and information and so much more of everything; it was too much a long time ago. Most of what we're sold is not intentional skincare; it's noise. I think it really is a case of whether everything we consume is not meant for us as mere mortals, and, in fact, most beauty and wellness advice is written for a generic human who doesn't exist. So if that is the case, which I am coming to believe more and more, then my whole issue of FOMO as a reason for starting unrealistic skincare habits just goes out the window, because I think I am missing out on something that in fact doesn't really even exist.
The second point is: where do we go from here? That is the really tough one, but also the most exciting one. I think we choose more carefully how to spend our time, and even more than that, what we choose to consume. And in turn, take this time and energy and learn to know ourselves on a deeper, more intimate level to find out what really works for us, what makes us happy, and what, in all of that, our skin really needs. And that, lovely people, in itself, is also so much easier said than done.
What It Means To Actually Know Yourself
The only person who can truly know us is ourselves. We all know that, and I think we all struggle with it, no matter how many influencers, gurus, or wellness programmes tell us otherwise. I can only talk about how I am continually learning to connect with myself, the different practices I have tried, and the ones that have stayed. Funny thing, how few have actually stayed.
I spent many years learning to be a yoga teacher, and today I call myself a recovering yoga teacher because it turned out to be an extreme sport for me. I ended up hurting myself a lot, physically and mentally, never being able to reach the unrealistic goals the ideal set in my head, that I believed I had to reach. I tried Transcendental meditation, chi-gong, pilates, Nia dancing, being a vegan, being a vegetarian, being a carnivore, the list goes on. But you know what really fascinates me? The one thing that became a genuine bridge into knowing who I am was a conscious, natural, connected skincare practice. In the moments when I stop and pause and really look at myself in the mirror to take stock of where I am or how I am doing, I get the whole story, sometimes louder and clearer than I actually want.
On being a Generator
Through all my different explorations, I did hit on one that made a lot of sense to me, and I have spent time considering and exploring it. I heard about Human Design through social media during lockdown, and it intrigued me. I know there are very strong proponents of this modality out there, and they provide great resources.
In Human Design, a Generator is someone who responds rather than initiates - someone whose energy is sustainable when aligned and completely draining when it isn't. Learning that about myself changed how I approached almost everything, including what I asked of my skin.
I think, for me, just learning my type, how that plays out, what I need and what I want, helped me learn to listen to my inner voice and to hear what my skin was telling me. Mostly, it's been more sleep, but it's also been leaving some stuff behind, stopping habits and systems I think I must adhere to, because who even remembers why? Leave them at the side of the road, pick up new ones that feel right and give me a warm fuzzy feeling, like ice baths - my absolute best, especially during a menopausal heat.
If this connects with you and you want to explore further, Human Design has a rabbit hole worth falling into - just don't say I didn't warn you. It's a journey that sits alongside the lessons I learned from my own matriarchs, who understood self-knowledge long before it had a name. A very traditional source is the Jovian Archive, and a more considered unconventional voice is Emma Dunwoody.
Where to from here
For me, it's all about one day at a time, and during that day, finding the moments that make me feel safe, comfortable, and easy. The most essential way I have found to ensure this is to keep my life as simple as possible and to stick to a minimalist skincare routine. Knowing how quickly my stress levels can spike and the havoc that shows up on my skin does not make me happy. So if and when I do any kind of shopping for skin care products, AYA Natural Skin is my non-negotiable. Everything else gets considered carefully, intentional skincare choices that are natural anti-inflammatories for the skin and support the skin microbiome. Nothing unnecessary. If you're curious what that looks like in practice, here are 20 ways to use AYA Balm - our natural first aid kit in one tin. I know myself well enough to know that when I look in the mirror, my skin will tell me the whole story.
